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Single Life is
"Peaks, Valleys, Deserts and Clutter"
I received the
following from SkFriends member
Part 2
Top
Sophie Goldberg Apr 10, 2002:
Dear Street Doctor,
Just wanted to say I've really
enjoyed speaking with you and reading many of your writings on our
website. You've had quite a colorful life, so far. My past 25
years can't compare at all!! I was married to the same man for 23 years
and was completely loyal to him (even in my fantasies). Wow, I must
have been listening to my parents and Sunday School teachers!!!
That's why it's so hard to be single again.
I haven't figured out how to maintain
my sense of values, yet have meaningful relationships all knowing they are
not "forever" relationships. I have had to do a lot of soul
searching. It is obvious I am the little country girl from the South
(Bible Belt). I have been totally unsuccessful with "casual sex", so
thus I have a great supply of Energizer batteries. Keeps me out of
trouble and from getting hurt.
Now, some of my thoughts about "clutter"...
You often speak and write about "clutter." Your definition is good:
"Clutter" is what occurs in
a romantic relationship when emotions get in the way of clear thinking
and good judgment. (Your
FAQ's)
You suggest avoiding "clutter",
an often inevitable consequence of romance. I share these thoughts
only in a sharing mode and not a pursuing mode (see, I'll tell you when I
am serious, so don't be afraid!)
One of my favorite movies is "Parenthood" starring Steve Martin, directed
by Ron Howard. It showed the many complexities of being parents and
spouses. Steve Martin always had trouble with these complexities in
his life, he had "clutter."
At the pinnacle of his "clutter",
his grandmother told him a story when her husband took her to a fair when
they were very young. She had a choice of riding the merry-go-round or the
Roller Coaster. She said riding the merry-go-round was boring - you
just went round and round and that was all. But to ride the Roller
Coaster was thrilling with the ups and downs and twists and turns.
Sometimes you were scared to death. Other times you were getting the
thrill of your life. But when the ride stopped, you knew you had
experienced quite a ride. So, of course, she chose the Roller
Coaster.
The point she was making to Steve Martin was to enjoy life as a Roller
Coaster ride. There are ups and downs, twists and turns.
Sometimes you just have to hang on a little tighter than others, but when
the ride is over, you know you have had a fabulous ride. She was
helping him to manage the "clutter" better instead of being afraid
of it or intimidated by it.
Perhaps those who have had enough "clutter" in life and are now
ready for just the merry-go-round. We all know how private you are
and respect that, so we don't know about your life beyond what we see at
the Singles Groups. Life isn't over for you. Who knows, you may
enjoy one more great Roller Coaster Ride before you grow old!! And
again, I am not pursuing, just sharing some thoughts. Maybe you'll
find that lady that you've described is naive and hasn't been around very
much to share this next phase of your life, and for you to take care of
her, or perhaps you have already found her. If so, great!
Have a great day. Watch out for that "clutter!!!"
Oh, and the Merry-Go-Round/Roller Coaster analogy? Babe, you've been
on a really long roller coaster ride and now I completely understand why
you don't want to relive the ride. So, have you ever made love/had
sex with a woman sober?
My mind never shuts down.
Regards,
Sophie Goldberg
SkFriends Member
Apr 29, 2002
Dear Sophie,
Thank you for taking time to share
your thoughts.
You are correct -- A roller coaster
is certainly more fun than a merry-go-round, but the pain and "clutter"
of crashing is often greater than the pleasure of the ride.
Single life is a roller coaster of "peaks,
valleys, deserts and clutter."
Regards,
The Street Doctor
Apr 30, 2002
Part 1
Top
Dear Street Doctor,
Thanks for publishing my thoughts on the Roller Coaster analogy.
I agree with your definition of "clutter" is what occurs in a romantic
relationship when emotions get in the way of clear thinking and good
judgment. That's called being in love! Over a period of time, hopefully,
the relationship mellows into a very deep, solid relationship, if all goes
well.
I am an avid reader of the Triad Style and was intrigued with today's
article, "DWF Seeks Acceptance In An Unfair Reality" written by Kim Thore.
It appears that Kim is much younger than I am, however, she brought out
several points that I wanted to include in this e-mail anyway.
As with many of us, our parents are from the Depression/WWII era, which
produced a caliber of people never to be duplicated. I am used to this
generation of parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents of marrying forever,
no matter how rough the Roller Coaster ride. This is what I patterned my
marriage after. When the marriage ended, I wondered what did I do wrong?
How did this happen?
I encourage you to read this article. Kim brings out so many points we
ladies can relate to. Such as, "As a hopeless romantic, I have always
looked for that one person, the ying to my yang, the one who was my
knight...For a long time I was committed to finding this man. Guess what?
He doesn't exist. Several different versions of him do but Lancelot died a
long time ago. The reality is you can find the one who suits you best but
you must also be prepared to make adjustments, weigh the good with the bad
and be committed to being you instead of being the person everyone thinks
you should be".
In the next to the last paragraph, she sums it up very well, "We are all
looking for someone who will wonder where we are when we don't come home
at night". That's not clutter.
If I were a sensitive woman, I would be hurt to be considered "clutter". I
am just looking for a partner that will join me on this next half of my
life. Someone to share similar interests, someone to share different
interests, to enjoy each others families, to be there for each other when
times are tough (parents age and die, the children will always have needs,
we all get older physically). One who will love and respect me as I can
love and respect him. And when it's time for one of us to take that
"final" move, we can look at each other and say, Thank you for taking this
final journey with me, and by no means were you "clutter".
Thanks.
"Sophie Goldberg"
Apr 30, 2002
Dear Sophie,
Thanks again for sharing more of your thoughts.
Think about this -- Maybe today it's
not about seeking Mr. and Mrs. Right but finding the least Mr. and Mrs.
Wrong?
The tooth fairy does not exist.
Regards,
The Street Doctor
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